: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
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