You're a womanizer and a bitch.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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