He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Randomize