I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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