You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
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She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
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Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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