He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
The Olympian is in my bed
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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