there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
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