I heard we made out
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
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So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
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It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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