I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
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You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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