why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
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Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
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What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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