just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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