I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
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you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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