Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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