I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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