Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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