I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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