Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize