apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize