i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Randomize