Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
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Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
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A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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