He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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