Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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