Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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