you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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