Your face is a jimmy john
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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