We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
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its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
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Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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