I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
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