remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
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she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
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Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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