It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
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she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
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It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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