My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
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