I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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