Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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