i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
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I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
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Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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