hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
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