I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Green mimosas i think yes
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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