I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
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the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
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getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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