if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize