Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
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