My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize