I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
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