My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
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