my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
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Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
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So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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