"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
he thought i was a dude.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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