so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
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We talked him into tasing himself.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
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Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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