The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
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I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
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You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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