Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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