I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Randomize