her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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