did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize