That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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